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* Why even bother getting married at all? Here is an interesting article I read recently on Huffington Post:
It seems that fewer and fewer people in general are getting married these days, and even fewer men seem interested. Men no longer see marriage as being as important as they did even 15 years ago. "According to Pew Research Center, the share of women ages eighteen to thirty-four that say having a successful marriage is one of the most important things in their lives rose nine percentage points since 1997--from 28 percent to 37%. For men, the opposite occurred. The share voicing this opinion dropped, from 35 percent to 29 percent." Why?
In the course of researching my new book, Men On Strike: Why Men Are Boycotting Marriage, Fatherhood, and the American Dream - And Why It Matters, I talked with men all over America about why they're avoiding marriage. It turns out that the problem isn't that men are immature, or lazy. Instead, they're responding rationally to the incentives in today's society. Here are some of the answers I found.
1. You'll lose respect. A couple of generations ago, a man wasn't considered fully adult until he was married with kids. But today, fathers are figures of fun more than figures of respect: The schlubby guy with the flowered diaper bag at the mall, or one of the endless array of buffoonish TV dads in sitcoms and commercials. In today's culture, father never knows best. It's no better in the news media. As communications professor James Macnamara reports, "by volume, 69 percent of mass media reporting and commentary on men was unfavorable, compared with just 12 percent favorable and 19 percent neutral or balanced."
2. You'll lose out on sex. Married men have more sex than single men, on average - but much less than men who are cohabiting with their partners outside of marriage, especially as time goes on. Research even suggests that married women are more likely to gain weight than women who are cohabiting without marriage. A Men's Health article mentioned one study that followed 2,737 people for six years and found that cohabiters said they were happier and more confident than married couples and singles.
3. You'll lose friends. "Those wedding bells are breaking up that old gang of mine." That's an old song, but it's true. When married, men's ties with friends from school and work tend to fade. Although both men and women lose friends after marriage, it tends to affect men's self-esteem more, perhaps because men tend to be less social in general.
4. You'll lose space. We hear a lot about men retreating to their "man caves," but why do they retreat? Because they've lost the battle for the rest of the house. The Art of Manliness blog mourns "The Decline of Male Space," and notes that the development of suburban lifestyles, intended to bring the family together, resulted in the elimination of male spaces in the main part of the house, and the exile of men to attics, garages, basements - the least desirable part of the home. As a commenter to the post observes: "There was no sadder scene to a movie than in 'Juno' when married guy Jason Bateman realized that in his entire huge, house, he had only a large closet to keep all the stuff he loved in. That hit me like a punch in the face."
*It's funny how shine is always putting out articles about how non-committal men are, and then they put out an article specifically telling women to date certain guys but don't commit to them
*My response article would be: One Woman You Need to Meet (But Not Marry)
1.) The woman that reads Shine articles about men and relationships, particularly about men you need to meet but not marry.
*I am amazed at the women today, who go for the thugs, tweakers, drunks, and general losers. They always seem to be so shocked when they are abused by these guys. While you can tell a woman some things, you cannot tell them much.
*Who wants to put money on the fact that the author of this piece is either twice divorced OR has NEVER been married and spends her Friday nights watching chick flicks ALONE and eating Ben & Jerry straight out of the container?
*What garbage. I actually married the first guy I ever truly dated. I didn't have to date a bunch of losers or weirdos to realize he was a great catch.
*Articles such as this are not helping to curb women's endless "shopping list" of unrealistic expectations. Google: "Hypergamy"
And ladies; You'd better start collecting *cats*, because your "Mr. Perfect" is not likely to show up anytime soon.
It seems that fewer and fewer people in general are getting married these days, and even fewer men seem interested. Men no longer see marriage as being as important as they did even 15 years ago. "According to Pew Research Center, the share of women ages eighteen to thirty-four that say having a successful marriage is one of the most important things in their lives rose nine percentage points since 1997--from 28 percent to 37%. For men, the opposite occurred. The share voicing this opinion dropped, from 35 percent to 29 percent." Why?
In the course of researching my new book, Men On Strike: Why Men Are Boycotting Marriage, Fatherhood, and the American Dream - And Why It Matters, I talked with men all over America about why they're avoiding marriage. It turns out that the problem isn't that men are immature, or lazy. Instead, they're responding rationally to the incentives in today's society. Here are some of the answers I found.
1. You'll lose respect. A couple of generations ago, a man wasn't considered fully adult until he was married with kids. But today, fathers are figures of fun more than figures of respect: The schlubby guy with the flowered diaper bag at the mall, or one of the endless array of buffoonish TV dads in sitcoms and commercials. In today's culture, father never knows best. It's no better in the news media. As communications professor James Macnamara reports, "by volume, 69 percent of mass media reporting and commentary on men was unfavorable, compared with just 12 percent favorable and 19 percent neutral or balanced."
2. You'll lose out on sex. Married men have more sex than single men, on average - but much less than men who are cohabiting with their partners outside of marriage, especially as time goes on. Research even suggests that married women are more likely to gain weight than women who are cohabiting without marriage. A Men's Health article mentioned one study that followed 2,737 people for six years and found that cohabiters said they were happier and more confident than married couples and singles.
3. You'll lose friends. "Those wedding bells are breaking up that old gang of mine." That's an old song, but it's true. When married, men's ties with friends from school and work tend to fade. Although both men and women lose friends after marriage, it tends to affect men's self-esteem more, perhaps because men tend to be less social in general.
4. You'll lose space. We hear a lot about men retreating to their "man caves," but why do they retreat? Because they've lost the battle for the rest of the house. The Art of Manliness blog mourns "The Decline of Male Space," and notes that the development of suburban lifestyles, intended to bring the family together, resulted in the elimination of male spaces in the main part of the house, and the exile of men to attics, garages, basements - the least desirable part of the home. As a commenter to the post observes: "There was no sadder scene to a movie than in 'Juno' when married guy Jason Bateman realized that in his entire huge, house, he had only a large closet to keep all the stuff he loved in. That hit me like a punch in the face."
*It's funny how shine is always putting out articles about how non-committal men are, and then they put out an article specifically telling women to date certain guys but don't commit to them
*My response article would be: One Woman You Need to Meet (But Not Marry)
1.) The woman that reads Shine articles about men and relationships, particularly about men you need to meet but not marry.
*I am amazed at the women today, who go for the thugs, tweakers, drunks, and general losers. They always seem to be so shocked when they are abused by these guys. While you can tell a woman some things, you cannot tell them much.
*Who wants to put money on the fact that the author of this piece is either twice divorced OR has NEVER been married and spends her Friday nights watching chick flicks ALONE and eating Ben & Jerry straight out of the container?
*What garbage. I actually married the first guy I ever truly dated. I didn't have to date a bunch of losers or weirdos to realize he was a great catch.
*Articles such as this are not helping to curb women's endless "shopping list" of unrealistic expectations. Google: "Hypergamy"
And ladies; You'd better start collecting *cats*, because your "Mr. Perfect" is not likely to show up anytime soon.
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